We're still friends, Rey. That hasn't changed. You saved us. That's not going to change either. But I need time. What you did, what you wanted to do, that doesn't go away any more than all the good things you've done.
[ She reached out, which means something. But as easily as Poe trusts the first time around, when he's betrayed, it cuts that much deeper and takes that much longer to heal.
Still. She reached out. She deserves some honesty, even if he can't express why what he writes next is true. ] I'm less upset with you than I am with the General.
[It stung to read his words, but Poe...is entitled to how he feels. He has the right to be upset, still be upset, but it only confirms Rey's thoughts on the matter. She wouldn't tell him about going to Ren, not yet. That deserved to be said face to face. Assuming they ever got to that level.
And it didn't feel like they were friends, not after he stormed out. Not after he managed to hurt her too. Did her feelings not matter in this too? Another thing to address later...not now. Not when she was trying not to fumble this.]
You shouldn't be mad with Leia. The idea was mine, not hers.
[She didn't know what happened while she was trying to get Luke to come back.]
[ Walking away and storming out are two very different things, particularly when done for the sake of one's own sanity. Her feelings, her reactions, didn't matter--not when she was the one who wanted to work with his torturer. She had a right to them, sure. But he had no reason to respect them. ]
It's not just about the idea.
[ He's not sure how to frame it. He has no explanation for how deep the cut goes, how much damage Leia taking Ren's side in the face of his atrocities did. He won't (can't) think of himself as a survivor. He doesn't (can't) think of himself as a victim. Without that, there's no way for him to say She took the side that made me into nothing. All he can say is that is that she sided with his torturer, but that seems to mean little or nothing to the two of them. ]
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no subject
Date: 2018-02-06 05:38 pm (UTC)It almost doesn’t feel real.
[ As though they had only bared witness to it and not having participated in it. But that’s not true. They had experienced all of it. ]
I know things between us are...they aren’t the same but, if you need anything...let me know.
no subject
Date: 2018-02-07 03:54 am (UTC)[ She reached out, which means something. But as easily as Poe trusts the first time around, when he's betrayed, it cuts that much deeper and takes that much longer to heal.
Still. She reached out. She deserves some honesty, even if he can't express why what he writes next is true. ]
I'm less upset with you than I am with the General.
no subject
Date: 2018-02-07 06:51 am (UTC)And it didn't feel like they were friends, not after he stormed out. Not after he managed to hurt her too. Did her feelings not matter in this too? Another thing to address later...not now. Not when she was trying not to fumble this.]
You shouldn't be mad with Leia. The idea was mine, not hers.
[She didn't know what happened while she was trying to get Luke to come back.]
I'll give you all the time you want, Poe.
no subject
Date: 2018-02-09 07:18 pm (UTC)It's not just about the idea.
[ He's not sure how to frame it. He has no explanation for how deep the cut goes, how much damage Leia taking Ren's side in the face of his atrocities did. He won't (can't) think of himself as a survivor. He doesn't (can't) think of himself as a victim. Without that, there's no way for him to say She took the side that made me into nothing. All he can say is that is that she sided with his torturer, but that seems to mean little or nothing to the two of them. ]
Thank you.