[ As far as Poe is concerned, there is no condition of goodness, no condition of courage. It's a choice, it's always a choice, every day it's a choice. It's a choice he's made so often that he doesn't know how to choose anything else, maybe, but the option to be greater or less than is always there.
BB-8 rolls over to bump lightly against Finn's leg, the droid's own small vote of confidence. ]
Okay.
[ Poe wishes there was some way to communicate to Finn what he expects. What he doesn't. He wishes he could crack open Finn's past and go toe to toe with everyone who ever made the man think he needs to be perfect. That imperfection is some reason for shame.
He wishes he could promise Finn acceptance, sure and unwavering, in a way Finn would believe.
All he can do is keep giving it. All he can do is keep understanding until Finn relaxes into the expectation that's how things will be, at least as far as Poe himself goes.
He can't put words to what Finn did for him. Incidental or not, because he was running or not, because he felt broken or not. Poe hasn't made it clear enough, obviously. He hasn't been able to make Finn understand.
Poe has been ready to die for a very long time. He doesn't want to, that's never been a risk for him--he loves life the way he loves most other things. But he's been ready. Kylo Ren destroyed that balanced peace with death. He made Poe want it. He made Poe wish to be another nameless First Order prisoner, a number slated to be scratched off a list, the sooner... the sooner the better.
Finn saved him. There's no other way to put it, but there's nothing in those three words that explains the breadth of what they mean. ]
[ It should be cheating to use his own words against him, clearly. He should raise a complaint through official channels. Mostly, it's reassuring all over again.
These are the things that matter, that mattered most to him even back before he knew what it meant to have people matter so much.
We're in this together.
You're one of us.
What he used to want more than anything was to just not be alone.
Then he wasn't. He isn't. Even BB-8 thinks so, presumably. He wonders if the string of Poe giving him things that matter (a name, a jacket, hope, trust, understanding, reassurance, more than he can ever give back) will end.
They're here, they're fine, it's okay. And so is Rey. Probably. Assuming she's not on her way here to subdue him by large-stick means as she deems necessary, he should consider calling her back to mention that they might not need to flee an impending takeover. Not that she would have gone.
He is a very calm man and he can definitely do this. Whatever "this" is. He sets his glass down and stands up, because he's had enough sitting, he wants to explode out of his own body. ]
If we get murdered on this jog, I'm blaming you.
[ It's not a joke, per se, but Finn can put enough of something in his tone to acknowledge that it probably isn't likely. Poe deserves that much trust, at least. ]
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no subject
Date: 2017-12-11 02:21 am (UTC)BB-8 rolls over to bump lightly against Finn's leg, the droid's own small vote of confidence. ]
Okay.
[ Poe wishes there was some way to communicate to Finn what he expects. What he doesn't. He wishes he could crack open Finn's past and go toe to toe with everyone who ever made the man think he needs to be perfect. That imperfection is some reason for shame.
He wishes he could promise Finn acceptance, sure and unwavering, in a way Finn would believe.
All he can do is keep giving it. All he can do is keep understanding until Finn relaxes into the expectation that's how things will be, at least as far as Poe himself goes.
He can't put words to what Finn did for him. Incidental or not, because he was running or not, because he felt broken or not. Poe hasn't made it clear enough, obviously. He hasn't been able to make Finn understand.
Poe has been ready to die for a very long time. He doesn't want to, that's never been a risk for him--he loves life the way he loves most other things. But he's been ready. Kylo Ren destroyed that balanced peace with death. He made Poe want it. He made Poe wish to be another nameless First Order prisoner, a number slated to be scratched off a list, the sooner... the sooner the better.
Finn saved him. There's no other way to put it, but there's nothing in those three words that explains the breadth of what they mean. ]
We are in this together. No matter what.
no subject
Date: 2017-12-17 06:03 pm (UTC)These are the things that matter, that mattered most to him even back before he knew what it meant to have people matter so much.
We're in this together.
You're one of us.
What he used to want more than anything was to just not be alone.
Then he wasn't. He isn't. Even BB-8 thinks so, presumably. He wonders if the string of Poe giving him things that matter (a name, a jacket, hope, trust, understanding, reassurance, more than he can ever give back) will end.
They're here, they're fine, it's okay. And so is Rey. Probably. Assuming she's not on her way here to subdue him by large-stick means as she deems necessary, he should consider calling her back to mention that they might not need to flee an impending takeover. Not that she would have gone.
He is a very calm man and he can definitely do this. Whatever "this" is. He sets his glass down and stands up, because he's had enough sitting, he wants to explode out of his own body. ]
If we get murdered on this jog, I'm blaming you.
[ It's not a joke, per se, but Finn can put enough of something in his tone to acknowledge that it probably isn't likely. Poe deserves that much trust, at least. ]