Riverview IC Inbox;

[volitaunt]

"Hey, try again later."

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Comments

[bythehand]

[ instantly: ]

I'm gonna forget the second one exists, Poe.

But we could probably find something like the first one in this town.

[volitaunt]

aw, finn, don't be mean to the hairy fish. it can't help that the universe sat on its face.

it just wants to be loved like all the other fish!

[bythehand]

[ Somewhere in the city, presumably in their own apartment, Finn lets out an undignified snort. ]

That fish wants something to eat it as soon as possible. I think that's what it would love the most.

[volitaunt]

[ Does this mean they're texting each other from different parts of the apartment?

...Maybe.

In fact Poe is sprawled on his bed with his heels propped against the wall and is just too lazy to get up and go see Finn's fish for himself yet. ]

Are you volunteering?

[bythehand]

[ Texting each other from the same place is one of life's dumbest but purest indulgences. ]

I think we both know I'm not. Leave it out there for someone with bad taste in pets.

[ Someone who's not him. Solo is obviously the perfect fish. He sure is swimming all the time, looking miffed. ]

[volitaunt]

Speaking of eating, what do you feed Solo, anyway? I've never had a fish.

[bythehand]

Flakes. I don't know what's in those things.

Maybe I'll look it up. See what I can give him fresh. I don't think fish are supposed to be tough to handle.

[volitaunt]

'flakes'? just 'flakes'?

sounds weird and suspicious to me. this guy is a gourmet fish. he needs the best we can offer.

[ Is Poe getting in to the idea of fish ownership? MAYBE. ]

[bythehand]

Exactly. We can do some research. I think fish have a quality of life thing to think about.

If you have to live in a foot of water, you should at least get a couple of perks.

[ ?? Maybe? Real life Han Solo probably lived on the Star Wars equivalent of gas station hot dogs. But his true fish legacy deserves better. Anyway it's a real responsibility that Finn signed himself up for, so he's not not going to give it full effort. No chill. Only fish parenting. ]

[volitaunt]

exactly. hey, i know this guy who can make scale recreations of ships if he has the blueprints. bb8 has scans from inside the falcon. we could make solo a little cockpit to hide in.

[bythehand]

[ Things that idea is: frivolous, silly, kind of dumb to mentally picture.

It's perfect. ]

I like the way you're thinking. Might as well commit to fitting the name.

[volitaunt]

wouldn't be much point if we didn't go all the way. make it a proper fishy tribute.

[bythehand]

He helped me dump Phasma into a trash compacter once. Least I could do for him, really.

[ "Once" Finn you knew him for one day there isn't a smorgasbord of experiences at your fingertips. This is like literally the least he could do. But who is he to know if Han liked big gestures or not. Maybe fish-sized gestures were his real favorite. ]

[volitaunt]

how did she even fit??

[bythehand]

A little hard work. A lot of Chewie. Not that it wound up sticking.

[ Broke: Phasma clearly had that Disney villain death on the Supremacy, there's no way she's coming back from that one. Woke: the subtle internalized fear that no matter what he does or how far he gets, she will magically turn up not-dead all over again in his future.

But he's gonna be cool about that. It's not about to take away from the satisfaction of shoving her down a trash chute. ]

[volitaunt]

the way i see it, that just means you got to humiliate her twice.

[bythehand]

Once was plenty. Twice is a bonus.

Happy to quit while I'm ahead on that one.

No tribute fish necessary.

[volitaunt]

are you kidding? i wouldn't saddle a poor fish with that buckethead's name.

[ Is this an indicator that Poe is considering getting himself a fish now too? MAYBE. ]

[bythehand]

Be a waste of a naming opportunity. I feel like you've got a few good ones you could break out for that.

[ Let Poe get a fish 2k18. Finn would throw another suggestion out there but the only one he can think of is Leia right now, and that still has some "is it too soon though" energy in his opinion. Poe is the one with basically a full deck of hero trading cards. ]

[volitaunt]

[ BB-8 may or may not be on the network researching fish at Poe's behest. ]

i feel like i should honor one of my squadmates and name it snap. or pava. maybe kun.

nah, snap. he's the one who'd be the most annoyed.

[bythehand]

Sounds like Snap is gonna be my new favorite pilot.

[ Move over Poe and Rey and Cassian and Jim and John and Chewie and Probably Han, there's a new up and comer on Finn's list of pilots he collects, or something.

Who even is Snap and has he seen him ever, let alone got a second to be introduced? Maybe to part one, no to part two. Doesn't matter. He's in a good mood because he has a really dumb fish, so he's here to make petty executive decisions. ]

[volitaunt]

who's your favorite pilot now??

[bythehand]

Are you angling to hear it's you or is that an actual question?

[volitaunt]

i can put something wet and squishy in your sheets.

[bythehand]

And I can move out. Doesn't mean either of us should.

[ Literally no matter how many times that threat gets made, it's just as potent as ever. Because Finn thinks about it happening in real life and dies. WOULD SNAP, HIS NEW BEST FRIEND, DO THIS TO HIM... ]

Look, when you're not threatening my sheets, you're usually my favorite.