[ A direct order. A given rank, of sorts. Poe exhales a laugh, feeling something in him slot comfortably in to this new set of parameters. ( John's hands on his shoulders, his commands in Poe's ears, that first moment when he let himself feel something more than simple attraction. )
( There, too, perhaps, the first crack in his relationship with Karen, John's actions more than simple understanding--also a demand, openness mirroring openness. )
( And there it is, the guilt, the guilt over feeling good when he left her feeling broken. )
Deal with it, Poe thinks. He did what he did. He said what he said. He's still angry, too, angry that she would call him cruel for not being able to love her when he'd just told her how many of his own had died. It's the anger that frees him for the moment from the guilt.
Deal with it. ]
I think I can do that.
[ He's still tentative.
But that kiss on his wrist is enough to make Poe want to curl up and take a nap, pressed against John, trusting for once that the world will still be in one piece when he wakes up. He laces his fingers between John's, both hands, drawing them up to his mouth so he can kiss the knuckles of one of John's hands, then the other.
[Poe kisses John's hands. His heart throbs painfully in his chest. He forgets to breathe until Poe's lips have graced every battered knuckle.
John wants this. He wants it so bad. When was the last time he's taken something for himself? He can't remember. He's been too busy to want. Too desperate to want. Too tired. Too dirty. Too afraid.]
Hey, do you mind if I leave some stuff here? I mean, I keep sleeping over, and...
[John smiles again, more with his eyes than his mouth. Squeezes Poe's hands with his hands.
It takes courage to be a test-pilot. This is just another experimental flight. Maybe it'll take, and maybe it won't, but for now? He's going to enjoy the flight.]
We'll be seeing more of each other, right? Cause I can't stop thinking about you.
Poe has never done this part at all. In the Academy there was never a reason or a way to leave stuff in each other's places unless it was underwear by accident when trying to escape the notice of a cadet sergeant. For a second he's nothing but alarm bells and panic, unable to speak, but John is right. He keeps sleeping over. They will be seeing more of each other.
Poe licks his lips, bites the lower, and nods slowly. Almost breathlessly: ] Okay.
[ Then, stronger: ] Yeah. That's a good idea.
[ He hides his face against John's hands. ] I've been thinking about you too.
[John's breathless too. It's a lot. More than he should allow himself to have. They both have their own battles, their own families, friends, and homes, in their own respective galaxies.
Sooner or later, they'll have to say goodbye. John's not thinking about it right now, he has that reality pushed to the farthest corner of his brain, but the thought is always there, lurking beneath the surface.
Teyla told him he should be happy, that he was allowed to love, and be loved. Even if what they have isn't forever, and they're only together for as long as this place allows, it's something. Maybe enough to get him through the next few years, or the rest of his life, being alone.
John's probably making up reasons to be with Poe, and to stay with him, but he wants this too bad not to. A place to leave his toothbrush, the companionship and bed of another human being, and brown eyes that melt something in him he'd long thought was cold and dead. That's all John's asking for. Even if he doesn't deserve it.
I've been thinking about you too.
He cups Poe's face with his hands, leans in, and kisses him on the lips.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2018-03-01 08:03 pm (UTC)( There, too, perhaps, the first crack in his relationship with Karen, John's actions more than simple understanding--also a demand, openness mirroring openness. )
( And there it is, the guilt, the guilt over feeling good when he left her feeling broken. )
Deal with it, Poe thinks. He did what he did. He said what he said. He's still angry, too, angry that she would call him cruel for not being able to love her when he'd just told her how many of his own had died. It's the anger that frees him for the moment from the guilt.
Deal with it. ]
I think I can do that.
[ He's still tentative.
But that kiss on his wrist is enough to make Poe want to curl up and take a nap, pressed against John, trusting for once that the world will still be in one piece when he wakes up. He laces his fingers between John's, both hands, drawing them up to his mouth so he can kiss the knuckles of one of John's hands, then the other.
Don't fuck this up. ]
no subject
Date: 2018-03-02 02:22 am (UTC)John wants this. He wants it so bad. When was the last time he's taken something for himself? He can't remember. He's been too busy to want. Too desperate to want. Too tired. Too dirty. Too afraid.]
Hey, do you mind if I leave some stuff here? I mean, I keep sleeping over, and...
[John smiles again, more with his eyes than his mouth. Squeezes Poe's hands with his hands.
It takes courage to be a test-pilot. This is just another experimental flight. Maybe it'll take, and maybe it won't, but for now? He's going to enjoy the flight.]
We'll be seeing more of each other, right? Cause I can't stop thinking about you.
no subject
Date: 2018-03-04 12:33 am (UTC)Poe has never done this part at all. In the Academy there was never a reason or a way to leave stuff in each other's places unless it was underwear by accident when trying to escape the notice of a cadet sergeant. For a second he's nothing but alarm bells and panic, unable to speak, but John is right. He keeps sleeping over. They will be seeing more of each other.
Poe licks his lips, bites the lower, and nods slowly. Almost breathlessly: ] Okay.
[ Then, stronger: ] Yeah. That's a good idea.
[ He hides his face against John's hands. ] I've been thinking about you too.
no subject
Date: 2018-03-04 01:47 am (UTC)[John's breathless too. It's a lot. More than he should allow himself to have. They both have their own battles, their own families, friends, and homes, in their own respective galaxies.
Sooner or later, they'll have to say goodbye. John's not thinking about it right now, he has that reality pushed to the farthest corner of his brain, but the thought is always there, lurking beneath the surface.
Teyla told him he should be happy, that he was allowed to love, and be loved. Even if what they have isn't forever, and they're only together for as long as this place allows, it's something. Maybe enough to get him through the next few years, or the rest of his life, being alone.
John's probably making up reasons to be with Poe, and to stay with him, but he wants this too bad not to. A place to leave his toothbrush, the companionship and bed of another human being, and brown eyes that melt something in him he'd long thought was cold and dead. That's all John's asking for. Even if he doesn't deserve it.
I've been thinking about you too.
He cups Poe's face with his hands, leans in, and kisses him on the lips.]
Thank you.