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[volitaunt]

"Hey, try again later."

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[deploy]

That I can do. Give me a second.

[John leans down, kisses Poe's forehead. Pulling away only because he has to. It almost hurts to put space between them right now. Poe's... adorable like this, all soft and sincere. It's a side of him John's only starting to get to know. He loves the rebel, the daredevil pilot and captain, but he loves Poe the man, too. Wants to hold him, and protect him, at all costs.

He undresses quickly, boots and uniform discarded onto the floor, wipes himself down just as quickly, and crawls naked into bed beside Poe, pulling the comforter up with him. As soon as they're close again, he pulls Poe into his arms, cradling him against his chest.]

How's that?

[volitaunt]

Mm.

[ An affirmative noise. Poe's eyelids drift shut. He could get used to this. Being held, feeling strangely treasured. He slides an arm around John's waist, turning his face against John's chest and rubbing the tip of his nose against the cleft of his pectorals. He kisses the spot and then settles with his head against John's chest again. ]

Where'd you learn to do that, anyway?

[deploy]

[John breathes in Poe's hair. He likes the way it smells, damp with sweat. Beneath the dry blanket, skin to skin, it's the best kind of comfortable. Like changing into fresh clothes after a heavy rain. He could fall asleep like this, if he could tear his eyes away from Poe.]

I read a book, and practiced a couple times, but mostly I just winged it. The real thing was a lot different than the photos. I mean, the model wasn't half as hot as you are. Keeping my focus was the hardest part.

[He grins down at Poe, squeezing him against his side. Loving the weight and warmth of his body.]

But you're worth the effort.

[volitaunt]

[ You're worth the effort.

The words hit him in an unexpected place, somewhere he's guarded for so long he'd all but forgot it existed. He didn't know he wanted to hear them. He didn't know how much they would mean.

Maybe it's just that he feels so exposed. Maybe it's just John. But those four words go a long way to salve the wounds Leia left when she chose his torturer over him.

There are three dangerous words of Poe's own hanging unspoken in his mind. Half-formed. Still able to be pushed away for as long as they stay in that nebulous state. ]

You winged it. [ There's a tracery of amusement in the statement. ] I'm scared to see what happens when you really plan.

[deploy]

What kinda scared? Restraining order scared, or book another weekend at the motel scared? Because I can plan.

[Murmured teasingly against Poe's temple, fingers stroking up and down over Poe's bicep beneath the sheets.]

I'd turn this place into a theater of operations.

[volitaunt]

[ Poe remembers the lightness, the peace of John working on him, the writhing pleasure and the blankness that came with it. Freedom, freedom from everything, just for a little while. ]

Book another weekend scared. Definitely.

[ For a second all he does is breathe and focus on the brush of John's fingers across skin still tender from the bindings. ]

Thank you.

[deploy]

[John smiles into Poe's hair, relieved. It feels good to know Poe wants to go there with him, and that he'd made the right call in pushing him. Maybe, between the two of them, with time, they can break down some of those walls they both struggle with. If anyone could understand John's struggle, and be patient with him while he tries, and inevitably fails, Poe might. Like no one else has.

He traces a red line over the rise of Poe's shoulder. He'll be wearing the harness for a day or two, until the marks fade. John likes the idea of that. A lot]

You're welcome. Thank you, babe.

[Yeah, he said it again. Without the safety net of the ropes between them.]

[volitaunt]

[ I like it when you call me that. It shouldn't be hard to say. But somehow the words stay stuck. He curls a little more firmly against John instead, letting himself drift, letting the weight of the blanket and the stroke of John's fingers carry him toward sleep.

It's sound. Deep. Dreamless. The kind of sleep that heals and refreshes and is so rare and precious that Poe hasn't seen it in years. He drifts back to consciousness in the circle of John's arms, and just stays that way for a while, listening to John breathe, smelling the salt of dried sweat on them both.

Eventually he shifts just enough to kiss the base of John's throat. ]

[volitaunt]

[ Just in case.

Spoilers, Poe is already on his way out the door and is heading for that store so he can be right there the minute the other building disappears. ]

Consider the schedule moved.

[bythehand]

Thanks. I'll check back in.

[ And then they later celebrated surviving the Store Incident, presumably, by being keyed up for a while. Or maybe that's just how Finn celebrates idk. The important thing is Poe is a good friend and Finn is keeping him. ]

[deploy]

[John drags his thumb over Poe's lower lip, wiping that streak of saliva away. Poe might not want to be seen, but John's looking at him, and he likes what he sees. Flushed cheeks. Wet mouth. Dark eyes, and the heat burning behind them.

He can't help but wonder if Poe knows he takes peoples breath away. John knows he's not the only one. You only have to be near Poe to be pulled into his orbit. He's magnetic. Special, in some way John's always wanted to be, but never has.

Not until Poe made him feel that way. Even if it was only the one time.

John wants to feel that way again. Needs to. He's lonely, and greedy, and Poe is unfortunate enough to have met him.

His hand drags down to the base of Poe's throat, settles there, heavy, before pulling him close. So they're toe to toe. Chest to chest. Eye to eye.

One whispered order passing from his lips to Poe's.]

Fuck me.

text; @maverick

[deploy]

I heard about Tico. She was a good pilot.

You alright?

[volitaunt]

[ It takes a while for him to reply. He's not sure what to say. He's not sure how much he gets to ask for, how honest he gets to be.

But John was there the night he found out that he got Paige Tico and her entire squadron killed.

He can feel himself tearing up as he picks up his device to look at the message again, has felt himself tearing up for going on three weeks now and has beat it down or gotten himself beaten to achieve the same ends. ]

not sure

[deploy]

It's okay if you're not.

It's okay to mourn.

[volitaunt]

[ Poe presses the heel of his palm against the bridge of his nose, making a tiny noise that could be called a sob, if anyone were around to hear it. BB-8 watches from the door to his room, and Poe drives it down again. He forces a smile for the droid, mumbles, "It's nothing, Bee."

The droid makes what can only be called a farting noise.

It's so hard to do this and not just tell John he wants to see him. To just be near him. One good thing, like a lifepod in the black.

He shouldn't get to say this. He doesn't deserve what John gave him, is still giving him. ]

i'm not. i'm really not.

[deploy]

That's alright. I get it.

What do you need?

Time off work?

To talk to someone?

[volitaunt]

not time off work. time off work's the last thing i need.

[ Work is the only time he feels close to sane. ]

you don't have to do this, john.

[deploy]

[He ignores the last part.]

The PG have people for this. They're trained professionals.

Their whole job is to listen without judgment, and to be a neutral party.

I can push your personnel file and get you shortlisted.

[volitaunt]

i don't

i'll be fine.

[deploy]

You're full of shit.

I already assigned someone to your file, in case you change your mind. You won't have to wait as long. They'll contact you with an appt time and date. It's up to you to say yes or no.

Go. Even if you sit there and say nothing for an hour.

Or just talk about her. Who she was. What she did.

[volitaunt]

[ There's a long silence on Poe's end, while he sits down on his floor, back against the bed.

BB-8 rolls over to him and leans his head dome against Poe's arm until he lifts it and the droid can tuck himself in next to Poe's thigh. ]

i'll go.

[ For John, he'll go. ]

[deploy]

Good.

It wasn't your fault. Not this time. Remember that.

Maybe she's with her sister now.

[volitaunt]

maybe.

[deploy]

Where are you?

[volitaunt]

john, you don't owe me any of this.