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[ Poe feels a gentle swell of something warm and possessive. Protective. He kisses John’s forehead. ] I should have asked.
[ He runs his hand through John’s hair to toy with the little hairs at the base of his scalp. ] But if it was good, I’m glad.
[ Poe runs the toes of one foot along John’s leg, hesitating a moment. ] I like having you inside me.
[ He runs his hand through John’s hair to toy with the little hairs at the base of his scalp. ] But if it was good, I’m glad.
[ Poe runs the toes of one foot along John’s leg, hesitating a moment. ] I like having you inside me.
Was it good? For you?
[Suddenly, John is unsure.
John hates how weak his voice sounds to his own ears, even as he loves how gently Poe kisses him. How caring he is.
He shifts to look up at Poe, rising into his elbows on Poe's chest, careful not to dig in his elbows. He knows they're pointy.]
I like being inside you.
Is that what you want? I could do that more. You don't have to fuck me. If you're tired of it, just say the word-
[Suddenly, John is unsure.
John hates how weak his voice sounds to his own ears, even as he loves how gently Poe kisses him. How caring he is.
He shifts to look up at Poe, rising into his elbows on Poe's chest, careful not to dig in his elbows. He knows they're pointy.]
I like being inside you.
Is that what you want? I could do that more. You don't have to fuck me. If you're tired of it, just say the word-
[ Poe gives a breathy little laugh and leans up enough to kiss John on the mouth. ] I like being inside you even more.
[ Another lingering kiss, one between each statement. ] I like it when you shake. I like it when you shiver. I like it when I have to hold you up and I like the sounds you make.
[ He trails one hand down from John’s shoulder to his hand. ] I would tell you if I wanted something different.
[ Another lingering kiss, one between each statement. ] I like it when you shake. I like it when you shiver. I like it when I have to hold you up and I like the sounds you make.
[ He trails one hand down from John’s shoulder to his hand. ] I would tell you if I wanted something different.
[John's eyes widen, his face flushing all the way up into his ears.
He laughs into Poe's first kiss, shyly, awkwardly, then melts into the rest. John doesn't know how to respond, or even react. No one's said anything like this to him before. Not outside of dirty talk during sex, words quickly spilled and forgotten, meaningless outside the heat of the moment.]
Don't say stuff like that-
[(You're going to make me fall in love with you.)]
You're gonna make me want it right now.
[He grabs Poe's hand with his hand, bringing it to his mouth, kissing over every scarred knuckle and mechanic thickened joint. This he can do. Actions are easier than words.]
I'd do anything you want, you know that, right?
He laughs into Poe's first kiss, shyly, awkwardly, then melts into the rest. John doesn't know how to respond, or even react. No one's said anything like this to him before. Not outside of dirty talk during sex, words quickly spilled and forgotten, meaningless outside the heat of the moment.]
Don't say stuff like that-
[(You're going to make me fall in love with you.)]
You're gonna make me want it right now.
[He grabs Poe's hand with his hand, bringing it to his mouth, kissing over every scarred knuckle and mechanic thickened joint. This he can do. Actions are easier than words.]
I'd do anything you want, you know that, right?
Why would I stop when you say that?
[ It's teasing, lazy and languid, because if he's being honest Poe doesn't feel like sex right now. He feels like this. The two of them sprawled in bed, John kissing his way over a fresh bruise between his knuckles with origins Poe can't guess.
He draws his hand up enough that John is forced to look at him if he wants to keep kissing Poe. ]
I want you to feel good. That's what I want.
[ It's teasing, lazy and languid, because if he's being honest Poe doesn't feel like sex right now. He feels like this. The two of them sprawled in bed, John kissing his way over a fresh bruise between his knuckles with origins Poe can't guess.
He draws his hand up enough that John is forced to look at him if he wants to keep kissing Poe. ]
I want you to feel good. That's what I want.
You're in luck. I feel good. Really good.
[He looks up at Poe, at his dark eyes and eyelashes, knowing he can't hide from him when they're like this. Not without ruining the moment.
John doesn't want to ruin it.
He turns over Poe's hand, kisses his callused palm, breath fanning warm between his fingers. Stays looking at him, even though it's hard. Even though he wants to run, and hide, but he can't without leaving the bed. Without leaving him.
He doesn't want to do that, either.
Why is it John can look death in the eye without flinching, but not love?
John flinches, but he still looks. Trying to be brave.]
Better than I have in years. I think I needed this. Someone... just for me.
[He looks up at Poe, at his dark eyes and eyelashes, knowing he can't hide from him when they're like this. Not without ruining the moment.
John doesn't want to ruin it.
He turns over Poe's hand, kisses his callused palm, breath fanning warm between his fingers. Stays looking at him, even though it's hard. Even though he wants to run, and hide, but he can't without leaving the bed. Without leaving him.
He doesn't want to do that, either.
Why is it John can look death in the eye without flinching, but not love?
John flinches, but he still looks. Trying to be brave.]
Better than I have in years. I think I needed this. Someone... just for me.
[ Just for him. Poe feels a giddy little flip in his stomach.
Just for him.
He's scared. Breathing faster, even while he tries to keep himself steady. Poe focuses on John's breath across his palm, the soft kisses across hard skin.
Very softly, hating the quiet and the tremor in his voice, Poe whispers: ]
Is that what I am?
[ He could be. He could be that. He could try. He runs the chain of John's dog-tags between the fingers of his free hand. Poe swallows, nerves making him hum unpleasantly all over. ]
I've just-- [ It sounds pathetic even in his head. ] I'm used to just being. I'm just the fling.
[ It's a struggle, to try and get words around what he's feeling. ] I'm a good time, or a few.
[ I've never done this before, and it's terrifying.
Are you sure that's what you want? ]
Just for him.
He's scared. Breathing faster, even while he tries to keep himself steady. Poe focuses on John's breath across his palm, the soft kisses across hard skin.
Very softly, hating the quiet and the tremor in his voice, Poe whispers: ]
Is that what I am?
[ He could be. He could be that. He could try. He runs the chain of John's dog-tags between the fingers of his free hand. Poe swallows, nerves making him hum unpleasantly all over. ]
I've just-- [ It sounds pathetic even in his head. ] I'm used to just being. I'm just the fling.
[ It's a struggle, to try and get words around what he's feeling. ] I'm a good time, or a few.
[ I've never done this before, and it's terrifying.
Are you sure that's what you want? ]
Edited 2018-03-01 07:44 (UTC)
I thought I was just the fling. That's what I'm used to being, too. Even told myself I liked it, for a while.
[The truth is, John's not very good at casual. He acts it, and people buy it, but at his core? He's a man who commits. Hard.
Falling in love has always been too easy for him. He fell in love with Atlantis, and his newfound friends and family, almost right away. He would do anything for them, and has. Killed. Lied. Stolen. Anything.
John knows, watching Poe as he struggles to speak, his voice soft and uncertain, that he would do anything for him, too.
He kisses Poe's inner wrist, over his pulse, with all the tenderness of the love he feels, but doesn't know how to say.
It scares him that he wants to say it.
Don't go off the deep-end, John. Don't scare him away. Don't fuck this up. Don't get greedy.
Remember your mission.
He only half-listens to the voice that's been keeping him sane the past few years, through all the loss, and the pain. Cautious, and always anticipating the worst.]
You're mine. That's what you are. Deal with it.
[The truth is, John's not very good at casual. He acts it, and people buy it, but at his core? He's a man who commits. Hard.
Falling in love has always been too easy for him. He fell in love with Atlantis, and his newfound friends and family, almost right away. He would do anything for them, and has. Killed. Lied. Stolen. Anything.
John knows, watching Poe as he struggles to speak, his voice soft and uncertain, that he would do anything for him, too.
He kisses Poe's inner wrist, over his pulse, with all the tenderness of the love he feels, but doesn't know how to say.
It scares him that he wants to say it.
Don't go off the deep-end, John. Don't scare him away. Don't fuck this up. Don't get greedy.
Remember your mission.
He only half-listens to the voice that's been keeping him sane the past few years, through all the loss, and the pain. Cautious, and always anticipating the worst.]
You're mine. That's what you are. Deal with it.
Edited 2018-03-01 17:56 (UTC)
[ A direct order. A given rank, of sorts. Poe exhales a laugh, feeling something in him slot comfortably in to this new set of parameters. ( John's hands on his shoulders, his commands in Poe's ears, that first moment when he let himself feel something more than simple attraction. )
( There, too, perhaps, the first crack in his relationship with Karen, John's actions more than simple understanding--also a demand, openness mirroring openness. )
( And there it is, the guilt, the guilt over feeling good when he left her feeling broken. )
Deal with it, Poe thinks. He did what he did. He said what he said. He's still angry, too, angry that she would call him cruel for not being able to love her when he'd just told her how many of his own had died. It's the anger that frees him for the moment from the guilt.
Deal with it. ]
I think I can do that.
[ He's still tentative.
But that kiss on his wrist is enough to make Poe want to curl up and take a nap, pressed against John, trusting for once that the world will still be in one piece when he wakes up. He laces his fingers between John's, both hands, drawing them up to his mouth so he can kiss the knuckles of one of John's hands, then the other.
Don't fuck this up. ]
( There, too, perhaps, the first crack in his relationship with Karen, John's actions more than simple understanding--also a demand, openness mirroring openness. )
( And there it is, the guilt, the guilt over feeling good when he left her feeling broken. )
Deal with it, Poe thinks. He did what he did. He said what he said. He's still angry, too, angry that she would call him cruel for not being able to love her when he'd just told her how many of his own had died. It's the anger that frees him for the moment from the guilt.
Deal with it. ]
I think I can do that.
[ He's still tentative.
But that kiss on his wrist is enough to make Poe want to curl up and take a nap, pressed against John, trusting for once that the world will still be in one piece when he wakes up. He laces his fingers between John's, both hands, drawing them up to his mouth so he can kiss the knuckles of one of John's hands, then the other.
Don't fuck this up. ]
[Poe kisses John's hands. His heart throbs painfully in his chest. He forgets to breathe until Poe's lips have graced every battered knuckle.
John wants this. He wants it so bad. When was the last time he's taken something for himself? He can't remember. He's been too busy to want. Too desperate to want. Too tired. Too dirty. Too afraid.]
Hey, do you mind if I leave some stuff here? I mean, I keep sleeping over, and...
[John smiles again, more with his eyes than his mouth. Squeezes Poe's hands with his hands.
It takes courage to be a test-pilot. This is just another experimental flight. Maybe it'll take, and maybe it won't, but for now? He's going to enjoy the flight.]
We'll be seeing more of each other, right? Cause I can't stop thinking about you.
John wants this. He wants it so bad. When was the last time he's taken something for himself? He can't remember. He's been too busy to want. Too desperate to want. Too tired. Too dirty. Too afraid.]
Hey, do you mind if I leave some stuff here? I mean, I keep sleeping over, and...
[John smiles again, more with his eyes than his mouth. Squeezes Poe's hands with his hands.
It takes courage to be a test-pilot. This is just another experimental flight. Maybe it'll take, and maybe it won't, but for now? He's going to enjoy the flight.]
We'll be seeing more of each other, right? Cause I can't stop thinking about you.
[ Poe eases his lips and tongue back and forth over the head and length of John's cock, a little deeper each time, choking once, muscles in his throat spasming lightly at the invasion. One hand on John's thigh, the other gliding up and down John's penis as Poe moves, slicking John with spit. He uses his tongue to push John's dick up against the roof of his mouth, rolls the roughness of his palate against John's head.
He can't get enough of the feel of John's hands against his head, in his hair. He tugs lightly on John's thigh, pushing John deeper in, choking himself again, intentionally this time. He can't talk like this, not with words, he can't give himself up vocally, but he can do it with his mouth, his hands. Poe shifts his fingers from John's dick to his balls, running his thumb over the sensitive skin in the cleft between them, then dragging his nail across the same place. ]
He can't get enough of the feel of John's hands against his head, in his hair. He tugs lightly on John's thigh, pushing John deeper in, choking himself again, intentionally this time. He can't talk like this, not with words, he can't give himself up vocally, but he can do it with his mouth, his hands. Poe shifts his fingers from John's dick to his balls, running his thumb over the sensitive skin in the cleft between them, then dragging his nail across the same place. ]
[ Poe is way more on board with the idea of an all points bulletin about Hux and Kylo than he would have been before the whole trip through canister memory lane, too, but he has to remind himself that the reason they didn't do that in the first place still stands. It would give them a platform. It would give them a voice. Poe doesn't want them to have either of those things. ]
A perfect birthday. We can invite whatever patch of pavement tripped him and the one he broke his nose on for good measure.
A perfect birthday. We can invite whatever patch of pavement tripped him and the one he broke his nose on for good measure.
[ Oh.
Poe has never done this part at all. In the Academy there was never a reason or a way to leave stuff in each other's places unless it was underwear by accident when trying to escape the notice of a cadet sergeant. For a second he's nothing but alarm bells and panic, unable to speak, but John is right. He keeps sleeping over. They will be seeing more of each other.
Poe licks his lips, bites the lower, and nods slowly. Almost breathlessly: ] Okay.
[ Then, stronger: ] Yeah. That's a good idea.
[ He hides his face against John's hands. ] I've been thinking about you too.
Poe has never done this part at all. In the Academy there was never a reason or a way to leave stuff in each other's places unless it was underwear by accident when trying to escape the notice of a cadet sergeant. For a second he's nothing but alarm bells and panic, unable to speak, but John is right. He keeps sleeping over. They will be seeing more of each other.
Poe licks his lips, bites the lower, and nods slowly. Almost breathlessly: ] Okay.
[ Then, stronger: ] Yeah. That's a good idea.
[ He hides his face against John's hands. ] I've been thinking about you too.
Cool. I'll bring my bag next time.
[John's breathless too. It's a lot. More than he should allow himself to have. They both have their own battles, their own families, friends, and homes, in their own respective galaxies.
Sooner or later, they'll have to say goodbye. John's not thinking about it right now, he has that reality pushed to the farthest corner of his brain, but the thought is always there, lurking beneath the surface.
Teyla told him he should be happy, that he was allowed to love, and be loved. Even if what they have isn't forever, and they're only together for as long as this place allows, it's something. Maybe enough to get him through the next few years, or the rest of his life, being alone.
John's probably making up reasons to be with Poe, and to stay with him, but he wants this too bad not to. A place to leave his toothbrush, the companionship and bed of another human being, and brown eyes that melt something in him he'd long thought was cold and dead. That's all John's asking for. Even if he doesn't deserve it.
I've been thinking about you too.
He cups Poe's face with his hands, leans in, and kisses him on the lips.]
Thank you.
[John's breathless too. It's a lot. More than he should allow himself to have. They both have their own battles, their own families, friends, and homes, in their own respective galaxies.
Sooner or later, they'll have to say goodbye. John's not thinking about it right now, he has that reality pushed to the farthest corner of his brain, but the thought is always there, lurking beneath the surface.
Teyla told him he should be happy, that he was allowed to love, and be loved. Even if what they have isn't forever, and they're only together for as long as this place allows, it's something. Maybe enough to get him through the next few years, or the rest of his life, being alone.
John's probably making up reasons to be with Poe, and to stay with him, but he wants this too bad not to. A place to leave his toothbrush, the companionship and bed of another human being, and brown eyes that melt something in him he'd long thought was cold and dead. That's all John's asking for. Even if he doesn't deserve it.
I've been thinking about you too.
He cups Poe's face with his hands, leans in, and kisses him on the lips.]
Thank you.
[John's head tips back, gasping as Poe chokes him down the back of his throat, hotter and tighter than John can process. His nails scrape Poe's scalp, fingers twisting into his hair, pulling hard enough to hurt, then releasing, stroking soothingly, only to twist again with the next bob of Poe's head.
Men know how to touch other men, whether or not they want to admit it. Poe's callused fingers dragging over John's thinnest, most sensitive skin make his dick jerk in Poe's mouth. He almost comes right there, just from looking down at him, and being overwhelmed by Poe's attention, and his eagerness to please. His hunger.
For once, John feels like his want has been matched.]
Stop.
[Growled low and deep from the base of his chest, because he's right there on the edge, more animal than man. John inhales through his nose, steeling himself. He wants nothing more than to empty his balls down the back of Poe's throat, but he needs to maintain control. Poe needs to know he will stay strong when Poe needs him to be strong, no matter what.]
Stand up. I want to see you.
Men know how to touch other men, whether or not they want to admit it. Poe's callused fingers dragging over John's thinnest, most sensitive skin make his dick jerk in Poe's mouth. He almost comes right there, just from looking down at him, and being overwhelmed by Poe's attention, and his eagerness to please. His hunger.
For once, John feels like his want has been matched.]
Stop.
[Growled low and deep from the base of his chest, because he's right there on the edge, more animal than man. John inhales through his nose, steeling himself. He wants nothing more than to empty his balls down the back of Poe's throat, but he needs to maintain control. Poe needs to know he will stay strong when Poe needs him to be strong, no matter what.]
Stand up. I want to see you.
[ Poe stops. He eases his hand away from John's balls, his mouth away from John's cock, giving the head a light suck before he lets go entirely. Then he stands up. He can feel spit slicking the corner of his mouth and reaches up to wipe it away. He's still strangely nervous, not sure he wants to be seen, not in the way he feels like John can do it.
He's breathing harder than his own exertion warrants.
He doesn't know what to do. What to say. So he stands there, hands fussing awkwardly with the hems of his jeans, then shifting to the pockets of his jacket, then back down to his sides again. ]
What should.... [ He reaches out to brush his fingertips along the side of John's cock, feeling like he should be working still. ] What else?
He's breathing harder than his own exertion warrants.
He doesn't know what to do. What to say. So he stands there, hands fussing awkwardly with the hems of his jeans, then shifting to the pockets of his jacket, then back down to his sides again. ]
What should.... [ He reaches out to brush his fingertips along the side of John's cock, feeling like he should be working still. ] What else?
[ Last thing the First Order needs is a foothold, no matter how small. His opinion on power, aka "not something that's gained so much as it is something used, occasionally with a snowballing effect of picking up more and more influence," hasn't changed all that much.
The more they do to keep that tool out of Kylo Ren and Hux's hands (by sometimes doing less, he guesses), the better. ]
Oh, good. Done deal.
He's not worth much without an army backing him up, but we should probably give a few people a heads up. Just in case.
[ Everyone from home at a default, in keeping with teamwork. However many of them haven't already seen him on the network and responded. Cisco, maybe. Finn doesn't have a long list. ]
The more they do to keep that tool out of Kylo Ren and Hux's hands (by sometimes doing less, he guesses), the better. ]
Oh, good. Done deal.
He's not worth much without an army backing him up, but we should probably give a few people a heads up. Just in case.
[ Everyone from home at a default, in keeping with teamwork. However many of them haven't already seen him on the network and responded. Cisco, maybe. Finn doesn't have a long list. ]
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