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[volitaunt]

"Hey, try again later."

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[volitaunt]

We're

We're as well as can be expected, I guess.

[ Finn mentioned Rey getting her canister as well; Poe can only assumed she's opened it, by now. He can only assume she knows what they know. More than what they know, if she found Luke. ]

[talentedscavenger]

It’s...a lot to take in.

It almost doesn’t feel real.

[ As though they had only bared witness to it and not having participated in it. But that’s not true. They had experienced all of it. ]

I know things between us are...they aren’t the same but, if you need anything...let me know.

[volitaunt]

We're still friends, Rey. That hasn't changed. You saved us. That's not going to change either. But I need time. What you did, what you wanted to do, that doesn't go away any more than all the good things you've done.

[ She reached out, which means something. But as easily as Poe trusts the first time around, when he's betrayed, it cuts that much deeper and takes that much longer to heal.

Still. She reached out. She deserves some honesty, even if he can't express why what he writes next is true. ]

I'm less upset with you than I am with the General.

[talentedscavenger]

[It stung to read his words, but Poe...is entitled to how he feels. He has the right to be upset, still be upset, but it only confirms Rey's thoughts on the matter. She wouldn't tell him about going to Ren, not yet. That deserved to be said face to face. Assuming they ever got to that level.

And it didn't feel like they were friends, not after he stormed out. Not after he managed to hurt her too. Did her feelings not matter in this too? Another thing to address later...not now. Not when she was trying not to fumble this.]

You shouldn't be mad with Leia. The idea was mine, not hers.

[She didn't know what happened while she was trying to get Luke to come back.]

I'll give you all the time you want, Poe.

[volitaunt]

Sounds good to me.

[ Now that he's out in the open, now that he's gotten a taste of fresh air, Poe is reminded how little he's been out the past week. Apartment to Guard to Apartment with very little in between.

John is so good this, at doing this, at drawing him out or picking him up. Karen is always there when Poe needs her, is steady and solid and willing to support him without hearing every detail, when he's not ready to share them. John, somehow, makes it easy to share. John draws the infection from the wound, and Karen stitches it back together again.

( He loves them, he loves them both, in a way he won't let himself recognize, for reasons he knows too well. A hundred excuses that guard his heart and keep him from the danger of leaving someone behind. )

He walks with his hands tucked into his pockets, quiet, thinking about John and his warmth and his humor and his eyes, not delving into why, staying in the shallows where affection is safe. He leans over and bumps John's shoulder with his own. ]

We could always do a nature survey some time, out past the wall. No bugs there you can't shoot.

[deploy]

[Poe bumps into him, and John can't help but smile.

It feels so damn good to be touched, even in the smallest of ways. Those moments of familiarity, and of fondness, make John feel so much lighter. Like if he reaches up, he can touch the sky. It's almost as good as flying.

Better than flying, when they're alone, and Poe looks at him in that way he does, with those big, dark eyes of his, like John's all he sees, or is thinking about.

Even if it isn't true. Sometimes, when they're alone, John can fool himself.]

Yeah. I'd like that. Hell, we could pack a picnic basket. Make a day of it.

[John's only half joking. He's American. He loves a good picnic. They're almost as fun to pack as they are to eat. He enjoys putting two of everything he can think of that the other person make like, wrapping it all individually. Planning out something simple and good for someone he cares about, instead of a battle plan for an enemy.

The days he spends thinking more about the Wraith than his own people are the worst.]

If you can get rid of the bugs before they get near me, I won't even shoot 'em.

In honour of your nature-loving spirit.

[volitaunt]

[ Walking away and storming out are two very different things, particularly when done for the sake of one's own sanity. Her feelings, her reactions, didn't matter--not when she was the one who wanted to work with his torturer. She had a right to them, sure. But he had no reason to respect them. ]

It's not just about the idea.

[ He's not sure how to frame it. He has no explanation for how deep the cut goes, how much damage Leia taking Ren's side in the face of his atrocities did. He won't (can't) think of himself as a survivor. He doesn't (can't) think of himself as a victim. Without that, there's no way for him to say She took the side that made me into nothing. All he can say is that is that she sided with his torturer, but that seems to mean little or nothing to the two of them. ]

Thank you.

[deploy]

I want to say I won't let anything happen to her, but...

She's a soldier. Stuff happening is the job.

[volitaunt]

[ A brief silence. ]

Yeah. But you'll do your best for her.

[ No doubt in his mind about that. ]

text; im lining ur inbox pockets with birdgate 2k17's more fun successor

[bythehand]

Exactly how strong was your stance on me "not becoming a murderer" last time you checked?

[ If Finn was really serious he wouldn't be asking. He'd be doing the thing where he lets impulse take the wheel, and doing. Something. Not sure exactly what.

... and okay, it's still tempting to gun it (metaphorically or literally), is the thing. It's Hux. There's more baggage there than the Falcon could take in one trip. As a respected member of a protective organization, known for maybe occasionally shoving people out of the way to just hug friends in broad daylight, that is not an ideal temptation.

So the next best step is to-- touch home base, sort of. Because usually if he's not feeling especially reasonable, Poe manages to step in and cover where he falls short. Finn is an okay person who makes quips and is in control of himself, obviously, and he is very good at restraint. But if he's not necessarily, he can generally rely on Poe Dameron. That is, in so many ways, the bare essence of teamwork and trust, probably. ]

If you had to give a percentage.

[deploy]

I'll try.

[A pause. John really isn't used to seeking comfort, or being offered it.]

You gonna swing by my place later?

[volitaunt]

I was planning on it. That okay?

TWEET TWEET MOTHERFUCKER

[volitaunt]

It's more a stance on "not getting put in prison on a backwater moon," but I think it depends on the murderee.

[ Which is not an answer Poe would have given before they remembered what happened on Crait and before it. It's not an answer he would have given before he tried to gun down Ren in cold blood. ]

Hovers around 90%.

[volitaunt]

[ The dim-sum is, as far as Poe is concerned, a complete success. Up to and including John seeing how many dumplings they could stuff in Poe's mouth before he was no longer able to chew. (Seven, it was seven.)

They get back to Poe's place as it's starting to get dark. Poe unlocks the door and opens it to BB-8's loud, annoyed whistlebooping as the droid rolls over to demand information about where Poe has been all day. He grins down at the droid and motions John inside. ]

Want to come in?

text; @maverick

[deploy]

Our leave was cleared.

[volitaunt]

[ A PAUSE AS HE TRIES TO FIGURE OUT WHAT TO SAY. ]

That's great.

[ Is that enough? That's not enough. Poe may or may not be rubbing his face while he overthinks this like a boss. ]

I mean that is great, that's not a polite great, it's a great great.

[deploy]

There's a polite great?

[He's just being a brat.]

One whole week. Jim didn't even put up a fuss. Gotta say the PG is a lot more relaxed about these things than the USAF is. Air force? You've got to book your vacations six months in advance and pray your CO doesn't have a bug up his ass. They'd never let us take off together. For multiple reasons.

[volitaunt]

New Republic Navy was the same, pretty much. More okay with couples taking leave.

[ Cue Poe staring at that last sentence.

Yep.

He just said that. ]

[deploy]

[John nearly spits out his celebratory beer. He's staring at that last sentence too.]

Really? That's cool.

[Yes, cool. He rubs his face with his hand.]

Are you excited?

[volitaunt]

[ ANNNND BREATHING AGAIN. Apparently he didn't make some kind of extraordinary faux pas in whatever this early-stage disaster happens to be.

He's also pretty sure this is the ABSOLUTE WRONG ANSWER but he doesn't know how to be anything but honest, when it comes to most things. ]

I don't know. I want to be. Feels a little

[ There's another longass pause here while he tries to figure out how to word what he's trying to say. ]

I feel like a traitor, running off like this.

[ He feels like a traitor, stealing something good.

Another pause. ]

But I am excited to go with you.

[deploy]

[Poe isn't wrong. This is exactly why they're doing this, whatever this is. John still isn't entirely sure. What's important is he's been where Poe's been, and knows where he's coming from.

John said he would help Poe through this, and he meant it.]

You're not a traitor.

You need this. It's important to recharge if you want to stay sharp and on the level.

If you're in the fight too long, you start losing sight of what you're fighting for. That's when you make mistakes, and do things you can't undo.

[A pause.]

Good, because you're not getting out of it. I already bought you a surfboard

[volitaunt]

You BOUGHT me a surfboard?

[ Because that's easier than focusing on the rest of what John says, no matter how true. ]

I don't even know how to surf.

[deploy]

Exactly.

That’s why you’re going to learn.

[bythehand]

Sounds reasonable when you put it like that.

[ Finn kind of appreciates the wiggle room. It's probably good that there wasn't strictly an acceptable murder zone like that pre-update, bc he absolutely would have started trying to work out his "assassinate kylo ren if it helps poe to do it" plan back in December. ]

Hux is here.

[ Then, almost instantly: ]

Now that I think about it, I'm not sure if there's anyone here less worth wasting that other 10% on.

[volitaunt]

What if I'm terrible at it?