[Simple as that. If Poe doesn't want him, or only wants him one way, his way, always, John should go. Staying would be too dangerous. Already is, and has been since the day Poe first broke through John's defenses.
God, he's afraid. What if Poe doesn't want him? John doesn't know which outcome is worse. Leaving, after making a fucking fool out of himself, and going back to his house that is not a home, or giving in, and letting Poe have him the way he wants him. Because something is better than nothing
Poe's eyes are closed, and John is glad. For a moment he's overcome with sadness. A despair as dark, thick, and suffocating as the black sand storms of Afghanistan. He's tired of being alone, and unwanted. It's been a long day, and he's been on edge for so much of it, desperate for something, a sign? or maybe just an indicator Poe really wanted to be there, with him, and that all of this means something.
That it isn't just sex for him, because it isn't for John. Poe made him cry. John hadn't cried at his father's funeral, or Carson's funeral, or standing in Elizabeth's office, scrubbed clean of her personal effects, wanting for all the world to be in her place.
Poe made him cry.
He's angry too, and he shoves Poe back into the cabinet, because even John has his limits, no matter how closely he guards them. He's still horny, but it's deeper now, burning painfully in his gut, all twisted up with too many emotions to separate.]
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Date: 2018-02-25 03:25 am (UTC)[Simple as that. If Poe doesn't want him, or only wants him one way, his way, always, John should go. Staying would be too dangerous. Already is, and has been since the day Poe first broke through John's defenses.
God, he's afraid. What if Poe doesn't want him? John doesn't know which outcome is worse. Leaving, after making a fucking fool out of himself, and going back to his house that is not a home, or giving in, and letting Poe have him the way he wants him. Because something is better than nothing
Poe's eyes are closed, and John is glad. For a moment he's overcome with sadness. A despair as dark, thick, and suffocating as the black sand storms of Afghanistan. He's tired of being alone, and unwanted. It's been a long day, and he's been on edge for so much of it, desperate for something, a sign? or maybe just an indicator Poe really wanted to be there, with him, and that all of this means something.
That it isn't just sex for him, because it isn't for John. Poe made him cry. John hadn't cried at his father's funeral, or Carson's funeral, or standing in Elizabeth's office, scrubbed clean of her personal effects, wanting for all the world to be in her place.
Poe made him cry.
He's angry too, and he shoves Poe back into the cabinet, because even John has his limits, no matter how closely he guards them. He's still horny, but it's deeper now, burning painfully in his gut, all twisted up with too many emotions to separate.]
Make up your damn mind.